you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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