I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
