Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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