I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
