Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
