I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
