No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
