Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
