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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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