i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
