STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
