I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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