I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
