I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
