When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
