what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
