Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
