He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
