I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
