he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
