i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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