Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
