if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
