Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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