Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My liver just had a heart attack.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
