I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
