I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
