U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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