A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
