I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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