My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
