I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
