I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
