I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
