You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
