your parents love me but you hate me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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