Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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