just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
