Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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