her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
