i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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