So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
sex in a hospital.. check
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
