Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
