Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
