We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
