Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
