Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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