I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
