Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
