It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
