he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
