The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm really into asian looking animals
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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