I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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