i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
last night I used snow as a chaser
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
