I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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